


You Gotta Kiss a Lot of Frogs

by Hobbyist



Category: I Love Yoo (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21700159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hobbyist/pseuds/Hobbyist
Comments: 40
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

Shin-Ae and Kousuke approached the screening area side-by-side in silence. They had gotten used to the routine, so Kousuke was already patting down his pockets to make sure he'd removed everything, and Shin-Ae was pulling off her jacket.

Kousuke gestured that she should precede him through the metal detector, so she tossed her jacket and phone into a bin, sent it through the scanner on the conveyor belt, and then walked through. The guard, recognizing her, nodded and then turned his attention to Kousuke.

"Those pastries last week were real good. Very fancy. Anything this week?"

It was obvious to Shin-Ae that Kousuke was barely managing to suppress his revulsion to the whole situation, but perhaps the guard didn't notice. He took the box of whatever delicacies Kousuke had selected this week readily enough, barely glancing at Kousuke while waving him through the scanner. As they continued down the hall, Shin-Ae and Kousuke heard, "Nice, chocolate ones!" echo faintly behind them against the cement walls.

Kousuke winced. "He has no idea that the pastry chef trained in Paris."

"Do you think it makes a difference, bringing those every week?" Shin-Ae wondered.

"Probably not. But I owe it to Nol to make the attempt."

"Oh, I thought maybe you do it because the guard is a lot nicer about the screening when he gets them."

They had reached the visitation room. The inmates were already arrayed at their various tables, and Shin-Ae looked automatically to Yeong-Gi's usual table in the far corner of the room. His orange jumpsuit clashed subtly with his hair. For a moment, before he noticed them come in, his countenance was dark, eyes down, brow furrowed, with a deep frown. Then he glanced up and saw them, and all traces of his brooding expression vanished instantly. But the memory of it troubled her. She had never seen him looking so morose.

She must have hesitated, because Kousuke reached his brother first. He greeted him with a nod and, "Nol," before taking his seat.

When she reached them, Yeong-Gi gathered her into a quick hug. The first time he had done this, it had startled her, but she'd gotten used to it. Something he had mentioned in passing early on helped her understand why he needed it--"The guys here mostly leave me alone. I think they assume I'm a snob. It's weird though, even the ones who are friendly never get close enough to touch. It's like everyone has some kind of bubble around them."

They sat, and Yeong-Gi immediately started interrogating her. "Have you finished it yet? What did you think? Did you guess how it was gonna end?"

For his sake, she cranked up her enthusiasm. "Yes! Just last night! I can't believe Snape killed--"

Yeong-Gi interrupted her, "Shhhhh! You might spoil it for someone here who hasn't read it!"

Kousuke rolled his eyes. "Which is no one. Not even hardened criminals are so illiterate that they've skipped reading one of the cultural milestones of our times. And for those who have, there were movies."

Yeong-Gi and Shin-Ae ended up deciding they could safely discuss the plot in whispers, and Kousuke remained silent for several minutes while they dissected the book Shin-Ae had just finished and Yeong-Gi asked her for her predictions about the next one. Kousuke couldn't help but sigh, however, when Shin-Ae confessed that she hoped Harry and Hermione might end up together. "Really? When the author spent the entire series setting up--"

"Oh, quit picking on her," Yeong-Gi muttered.

Shin-Ae held her breath. Her mind worked furiously, trying to come up with a way to diffuse the tension between the brothers before it ruined the visit.

But the months of practice had taught Kousuke some forbearance. Rather than replying, he dropped a bag of books on the table in front of Yeong-Gi. "Your week's supply."

"Oh, thanks." Yeong-Gi turned back to Shin-Ae. "Everything in the library is either from the early 1900s or some kind of self-improvement book, so I live for these deliveries."

The remainder of the hour passed smoothly, with most of the conversation between Shin-Ae and Yeong-Gi, and an occasional interjection from Kousuke. Eventually a guard called, "Wrap it up!" and everyone began to stand.

Kousuke interrupted a debate the other two were having about whether quidditch was a dumb sport. "Oh, I'll be traveling on business next week."

"That's fine," Shin-Ae hurried to reply, noticing that Yeong-Gi began to droop. "There's no reason I can't come without you."

They left Yeong-Gi beaming and waving behind them. On the way past the screening guard, Kousuke again mentioned his upcoming absence. "Since I won't be here to bring them, I'll provide you with some funds to get the pastries."

The guard raised an eyebrow at Shin-Ae suggestively. "Private visit next week then?"

"Uh, sure..." she answered as she passed under Kousuke's arm while he held the door for her. She didn't notice the guard scribble something on a sign-in sheet, and probably wouldn't have thought anything of it if she had.

Kousuke breathed in deeply once they reached the open air. "I hate the smell in there."

"Really? I didn't notice one. Did you see how down Yeong-Gi looked before he saw us?"

"Yes, I'm used to his masks. Luckily he only has another few months. I don't think he could withstand more." Kousuke opened the passenger door to his car for Shin-Ae. Before she could slide in, though, he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you for coming every week. It keeps him sane."

She looked steadily up into his eyes. "I think he cares more about your visits than you realize. Sure, his loser friend stops by because she has nothing better to do. But you're impossibly busy, and yet you carve out an hour to travel and an hour to sit with him _every week._ That means a lot to him." When he broke the gaze to look down at the ground, she added, "Plus I'd be useless at picking out books for him."

Kousuke lifted his hand from her shoulder, then paused, focused on a spot just above her ear, and ran his hand gently through her hair. He flicked a bug away and shuddered. "Of course they have a pest problem in there."

And then they were in the car, and Kousuke continued Shin-Ae's ongoing musical education by explaining Mozart's tour of imperial palaces as a child prodigy, while _The Marriage of Figaro_ played in the background. Incongruously, he was a good story-teller when it came to history.


	2. Chapter 2

The following week, Shin-Ae arrived at the prison toting a bag full of books and some donuts. The guard looked at the donuts, shrugged in a way that clearly indicated they were just as acceptable as the Parisian pastries, and waved her through.

"Oh, conjugal, right? You head down the left hall this time. Guard will point you to the trailer."

"Con-jew-what?" Shin-Ae wondered if it were some kind of religious holiday. But the guard had turned his back on her, so she followed his directions. She had observed that other visitors who asked the guards too many questions were sometimes told to just come back next week.

Somehow, with the help of one more guard, she wound up alone in a trailer. It was a perfectly functional little home, with a bathroom, kitchenette, table, and bed. She took a seat at the table, utterly confused.

She was about to get up and poke her head outside to ask whether she were in the right place when the door opened, Yeong-Gi was propelled through it by some unseen shove, and it was closed and locked behind him. When he saw Shin-Ae, he froze by the door.

Shin-Ae and Yeong-Gi stared at each other for a few seconds.

"What--" they both started at the same time. Then Shin-Ae stopped talking to see if Yeong-Gi would have any answers.

"Did you arrange this?" He asked.

"I don't know? Did you?"

"I most definitely did not. How can you not know?"

"Well, do you know what con-jew-something means?"

He put a hand over his eyes. "I know Kousuke is an ass, but he may be right that you should consider working on your vocabulary."

"So you do know!"

Yeong-Gi laughed. "Did you tick a box on a form or something?" 

"No, a guard said something about it, and I didn't want to get in any trouble, so I just followed his instructions."

"Ok, well"--Yeong-Gi looked a little uncomfortable--"a conjugal visit is for couples. And they get to use the bed."

"OH! Ohhhhhh..." Shin-Ae felt herself turning red. "Shoot, I'm so sorry, I should've asked. I'd just hate to not be able to give you your books this week, after spending so much time with the librarian to find you good ones."

"It's not a big deal," Yeong-Gi replied, but he continued to stand right next to the door. "Honestly, it's kind of nice to be away from the concrete jungle and back in the real world for a minute."

Shin-Ae smiled sympathetically. "Soon, if you want, you can live just like this for real!" She spread her arms expressively to indicate the entirety of the tiny trailer. "Anyway, how do we get out? Knock on the door?"

"Yeah..." He hesitated, placing one hand on the back of his neck. "Um, do you think we could hang here for the hour? I feel like I can breathe for the first time in months."

That took Shin-Ae aback, but she could see that he was reluctant to make the request, so she quickly replied, "Of course! Here, have a book, find somewhere to sit."

He finally unglued himself from the entryway and dropped into the seat across the table. "So what did you bring?"

The hour passed surprisingly quickly. After they had sifted through and discussed Shin-Ae's choice of titles ("I like Stephen King as much as the next guy, but why are they _all_ horror?"), Yeong-Gi threw himself on the bed with one of the books, while Shin-Ae caught up on some of her studying. At some point one of them mentioned pizza, and they had a heated debate about whether there was a truly perfect food, which ended with Shin-Ae threatening to stuff chicken wings down Yeong-Gi's throat until he puked.

Then there was a knock at the door. Shin-Ae sighed and started packing up to leave. When she glanced over to Yeong-Gi, though, his expression was stricken.

"You ok, food heretic?"

He swallowed. "I forgot, just for a second, that I'd have to go back." The look in his eyes was heartbreaking.

"You want me to pull this stunt again? Kousuke will be back next week, so it would have to be a different visiting window."

"That seems like too much to ask. You have to admit, it's kind of weird." But the hope that flickered on his features decided her.

And then a guard opened the door and yelled Yeong-Gi's name, and he left without a backward glance.


	3. Chapter 3

Shin-Ae reworked her schedule so that she was available in a visiting window when Yeong-Gi didn't have visitors. His grin the next time he came into the trailer told her the bizarre plan was worth it.

"You're crazy," he admonished. "And a good friend."

"So will this day work for you? Or do you have a yoga or painting class that I'm interfering with?"

The visits continued weekly after that. Shin-Ae would bring card games, or they'd read and study, or they'd just talk. Each time, Yeong-Gi seemed practically to sparkle when he came in, and to deflate when it was time to leave. 

One day, Shin-Ae looked up from her studying and noticed that he was thinner than he had been before prison, with dark bags under his eyes. She kicked his foot from where she had ensconced herself with textbooks and notes across the bed from him. "Hey, are you ok?"

He looked up from his book, and a moment later, his eyes focused on her. "Sure."

"I mean, you don't look too good. Are you eating? Sleeping? Sick?"

"You're a great confidence-booster, you know that?"

"Are you just not going to talk to me about it?"

He tapped his nose twice and went back to reading.

...

Two days later, Shin-Ae called Dieter after she got out of cram school.

"Hi Shin-Ae! Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, sorry, I'm just running to catch the bus, so it's kind of hard to text. Are you and Soushi going to visit Yeong-Gi later today?"

"Yeah. Did you want to come?"

"I visited a couple days ago, and I don't want to cut in on your time with him. Could you ask him what books he wants me to bring next week? Kousuke won't be around again to pick them out, and I sort of failed last time."

"No problem."

"S#%$!"

"Shin-Ae? Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. I just missed the bus. The next one doesn't come for half an hour. Oh well, guess I'll get some extra studying in." Shin-Ae tried to keep a defeated tone out of her voice.

"Oh, hey! I just got out of training, and I'm actually not too far away from your cram school. Want to grab some ice cream?"

Less than ten minutes later, they were seated outside on a bench, each with an ice cream cone stacked three scoops high.

Dieter wore a t-shirt and gym shorts, and his hair was still sweaty from his workout. He sighed. "This really hits the spot after training with the new guys. They have a lot of energy."

Shin-Ae snorted. "Nothing you can't keep up with, I'm sure."

He smiled back at her shyly. "They definitely push me. But I can't let them see any weakness in me."

Shin-Ae nodded, looking vaguely into the distance. "Hey Dieter, after you and Soushi visit Yeong-Gi today, could you let me know how you think he's doing? I'm getting worried about him."

"Yeah, no problem. You're a good friend," Dieter murmured, keeping his gaze carefully on his ice cream.

Shin-Ae turned to him. "Is everything ok? I'm sorry, it seems like all I do is talk about Yeong-Gi lately. We'll all go back to normal when he gets out."

Dieter's eyebrows drew together, and then he transferred his cone to his left hand so he could place his right hand gently on Shin-Ae's where it rested on the bench. "I'm fine. I'm actually more worried about you than about Yeong-Gi. He's got all of us watching out for him. But you've been juggling work and cram school and taking care of both him and your dad. How are you feeling?"

Shin-Ae wasn't sure how to react. She noticed with a glance that he was staring fixedly at a spot between her eyes, as if willing himself not to back away, and his ears were red. She began with, "Thanks, Dieter."

For some reason, she thought back to the time he had confessed his feelings for her, the time he comforted her on the ferris wheel, the time he mentioned being dumbstruck when he first saw her. And she smiled up at him.

He smiled back, giving her time to think about the answer to his question. 

She had trouble looking away. Maybe it was his obvious concern. She needed to make it clear she was alright and to remove the little notch between his eyebrows. "I've got you, and Min-Hyuk, and I guess Soushi? I appreciate that you're watching out for me."

To her relief, the notch smoothed away. Then she stiffened, because he had propped his ice cream cone up against the arm of the bench and brought his other hand over to touch her cheek. "It makes me feel so much better to see you smile."

He didn't notice her smile beginning to fade into confusion, because he closed his eyes, leaned forward a few inches, and kissed her.


	4. Chapter 4

Shin-Ae pounded on the door to Min-Hyuk's room. "I know you're in there! Wake up! Your mom says you missed dinner."

Min-Hyuk answered, muffled behind his door, "I'm awake, I'm awake," and then there were shuffling sounds as he presumably changed into something he hadn't slept in all day. Suddenly his door popped open. "And I'm sorry, but for me it's time for breakfast in,"--he checked his watch--"half an hour."

"It wouldn't take you so long to adjust to the new time zone if you just toughed it out, you know."

"Yeah yeah, you say that every time. What's up?" He read her mood with a glance. "Wanna talk?"

When she nodded, he opened his door further to let her in. She flopped onto her back in the middle of his room, so he closed the door and came to sit beside her on the floor.

Before she started, though, he said, "I'm sorry, I know you've got something to say, but I can't feel like I'm being real with you unless I tell you something first. Is that ok?"

"Sure." Intrigued, Shin-Ae propped herself up on one elbow to look at him while he talked.

Min-Hyuk ran a hand through his hair. "Shoot, this was easier when you weren't looking at me."

She wrinkled her nose playfully and stared at him with mock intensity.

When it became clear she wasn't going to relent, he sighed and continued. "Rika stopped by yesterday evening."

Shin-Ae was baffled as to where this might be going, so she just continued to stare.

"We talked and stuff, and we're going to try dating."

It took several seconds for that to sink in. Shin-Ae's brows drew together while it did and then jumped up high. "This is some kind of very strange joke, right? You know it's out of left field? Jokes are supposed to have a setup."

When Min-Hyuk answered, "I'm being serious," Shin-Ae felt a surge of jealousy as a sudden constriction in her chest. Confused by her own reaction, she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

"Oh no. You're not ok with this."

Shin-Ae answered, "I'm... taking it in."

In what sounded like an attempt to diffuse the tension, Min-Hyuk asked with a tone of sudden realization, "You don't have a thing for Rika, do you?"

Shin-Ae reached her hand out, grabbed an article of clothing at random from the floor, and chucked it at his head. "She's a sweet girl, but no. Not on my radar."

Min-Hyuk asked slowly and more sincerely, "You're not jealous because of... me? Are you?"

Shin-Ae examined her feelings closely. "I think I may be." There was a sharp intake of breath a couple of feet away. "But not like that. I guess I knew you'd find someone you really liked at some point, but I thought I had a little more time before I wasn't your best bud anymore."

"Whoa whoa whoa. Rika and I are not moving that fast. You've got a long time before she knows half the things you know about me. And I'll never stop talking to you or hanging out with you or anything else because of her or any other girl."

"When is she going to learn about your My Little Pony phase?" Shin-Ae asked with a pointed grin.

"Never and definitely not from you!" he answered, chucking the shirt that had recently been lobbed at him back her way.

"Well, thanks for letting me know. Does Maya know?"

"You got to me first, but I'll tell her as soon as I catch her."

Shin-Ae whistled. "Good luck with that. You've effectively stolen her best friend and her brother in one fell swoop. Anyway, enough about you. Ready to talk about me?"

Min-Hyuk nodded and propped his chin on his hands, the picture of attentiveness.

"Dieter kissed me."

Min-Hyuk fell onto his back, bowled over in mock surprise. "Finally!" he shouted from the floor. "If he'd waited any longer, I'd have mashed your faces together myself!"

"So it's your fault he got up the courage to do it!"

Min-Hyuk sat back up. "I can take some credit, but the guy has been working awfully hard on you for a long time. So, was his foray successful?"

"I... guess? Maybe? I'm not sure?"

With each interrogative, Min-Hyuk's face fell further. "What did the poor sop do wrong?"

"Nothing! He was really sweet, and the kiss was just right. It's just, was I supposed to feel something?"

"I knew it," Min-Hyuk sighed, "you're asexual."

"I don't think so," Shin-Ae muttered, mentally reviewing certain thoughts and feelings she had had in the past. "Are there alternative explanations?"

"My guess would be either it's something that will get better with practice or he's just not the one for you."

"How would I figure out which it is?"

"I dunno, this is more Maya's area of expertise." Min-Hyuk reached up to his desk and grabbed a ball, which he started tossing in the air as he brainstormed aloud. "You could invite him over for a make-out session"--Shin-Ae pulled on one eye and stuck her tongue out at him--"or try kissing someone else?"

"You're right, this is not your forte. Who on Earth else would I kiss?"

"Not me, I'm taken!"

She rolled her eyes. "That was not a request."

"I could ask Rika if she'd be interested?"

"I told you, she's not my type! This is ridiculous. Let's go get you some dinner."

"You mean breakfast."

"I mean dinner!"


	5. Chapter 5

Shin-Ae spent the next couple of days with thoughts of Dieter and Min-Hyuk's recommendations churning continually in her mind, interrupting her work, studies, and sleep. She was unsure of her feelings for Dieter, worried she had led him on, and confused about what to do next. She missed a call from him once, but when she didn't return it, he didn't try to contact her again.

She was taking a break from studying to check her phone when Kousuke called her a few hours before their usual visiting window.

She picked up. "I thought you were in Japan?"

"Hello to you too. My trip got cancelled at the last minute. Jayce isn't available to get the books and pastries, so can I pick you up early? We'll need to stop by the shopping plaza."

Shin-Ae considered her textbooks unenthusiastically. "Yes, please."

"Thank you. I appreciate your flexibility. I'll be there in an hour."

Soon she was climbing silently into his car. As he pulled away from the curb, he noted, "No sarcastic greeting. Are you feeling well today?"

"I'm fine."

He considered for a moment. "I don't believe you. What's wrong?"

Against her better judgment, she found herself outlining the concerns that had been keeping her up at night. She finished awkwardly, "So to sum up, stupid inexperienced relationship stuff. I don't know why I told you that."

"Possibly because you've gotten used to talking to me each week during our drive," he answered matter-of-factly, "which is more than either of us talks to anyone else." There was more silence, and then Kousuke continued, "I may agree with your friend's advice, though. One's first kiss is sometimes awkward. By the second kiss, one is more in possession of one's faculties. 

"Really? Is that how it was for you?"

He cleared his throat. "I was rather more smitten than you seem to be." Then he redirected. "Alternatively, if you kiss someone you don't care for, you may find that Dieter is more enjoyable in comparison."

"So do you think I should try kissing Dieter or someone else?"

He shrugged and turned into a parking spot. "That's something for you to decide."

They first entered the pastry shop, which was tiny, intensely French, and had prices that boggled Shin-Ae's mind. She felt compelled to point out to Kousuke, "When you were gone, I just brought donuts, and the guard was totally fine with that. They cost a tenth of what these do."

Kousuke spared her a single disdainful glance between pointing to one pastry after another, which were packaged with care into a box with calligraphy on it. "I wouldn't know where to buy inexpensive donuts."

"Have you ever been to the grocery store?"

"Jayce does my shopping." He paid and handed her a chocolate croissant.

They strolled toward the library, conversation paused in favor of snacks. Just as Shin-Ae was licking croissant crumbs from her fingers, Kousuke glanced over his shoulder, grabbed her wrist, and dragged her to a narrow alley between two buildings.

"What the hell?" she asked, snatching her hand back and rubbing her wrist.

Kousuke put his free hand over her mouth. "Shh!" He was facing Shin-Ae, half a foot away, but he was watching the sidewalk intently. 

A minute passed, during which Shin-Ae pried his hand from her face and stared grumpily at him. Then someone passed by, and the tension drained from his shoulders. Shin-Ae turned to see who it was. "Is that Yu--"

His hand was over her mouth again. She rolled her eyes but waited until he judged it was safe to remove it. Finally he let it drop.

She hissed at him in a whisper, "Was that really necessary?"

He appeared to recollect himself. "Perhaps not. Our earlier conversation may have primed me to overreact. But I really don't want to run into her." Then he noticed that they were more or less wedged together in an alley and tried to back away, into a wall.

Shin-Ae wasn't sure what made her do it. She placed a hand on his arm to stop him, looked up at him appraisingly, and said, "Could I ask you for a favor?"

He was looking out at the sidewalk again. "Can it wait?"

"Could you give me a comparison kiss?" She could barely believe the words that had come out of her mouth. Sleeplessness and stress must have driven her insane.

His eyes snapped back to hers. "You can't be serious."

Then there was a click of heels coming back towards them along the sidewalk and Yu Jing's voice exclaiming to some unknown companion, "You really haven't tried it before? Then we have to go now. The _maître pâtissier_ trained in Paris."

Just before the clicking heels reached them, Kousuke set down the pastry bag and asked in a rough whisper, "You're sure?" When she nodded, he took her by the shoulders, turned her so that his back would be toward the main thoroughfare, and bent his head to kiss her.

She quickly understood what everyone meant by experience. His lips were pressed to hers for only a couple of seconds before they opened, and she could taste him--a not-unpleasant mix of his recent strudel and something less definable that reminded her faintly of his scent. After another few moments, he pulled away gently and rested his forehead on the top of her head while she leaned into his chest to recover.

They each took a breath, hers jagged. "That was a terrible decision," he concluded quietly, taking a careful step backward and not releasing her shoulders until he'd assured himself that she would remain upright under her own power.

She nodded. "I'm sorry. I caught you when you were in a panic."

"I'm still responsible for my own actions." He leaned out of the alley and must have confirmed Yu Jing's disappearance, because he grabbed the pastry bag with one hand, took her elbow with the other, and guided her back to the sidewalk.

They stopped briefly and silently in the library. Rather than making a careful selection, he took a handful of books from the "New" shelf and got them back to the car as quickly as possible.

When they had closed the car doors, Kousuke put the keys in the ignition but didn't turn them. "We have a few minutes to talk before we need to be on the road."

"Ok," Shin-Ae replied, "what was that?"


	6. Chapter 6

Kousuke didn't meet Shin-Ae's gaze. "Kissing you was a mistake. I apologize. We should proceed as if it didn't happen."

Shin-Ae snorted. "I don't think we can backtrack from that. We'll have to figure out some way forward."

He turned in his seat to face her. "Shin-Ae, we can't..." He cleared his throat and tried again, "What I mean to say is that I'm not..."

Shin-Ae could see he wasn't going to make any headway on his own. "It wouldn't work. I'm 'ill-tempered, ill-mannered, immature, impolite, impudent, improper.'"

For several seconds, Kousuke just stared at her with a quizzical expression. "What are you talking about?" Then he must have remembered his conversation with Yeong-Gi months ago, and to Shin-Ae's surprise and gratification, he reddened. "You can't be referring to what I said to Nol last winter?"

She nodded mutely.

A look of concern settled on his features. "You've been holding that with you for a long time." He began to reach for her hand, and then he flinched and retreated as he realized where that could lead. "You know I wouldn't say those things about you now. And... I guess I should never have said them behind your back, even in an argument with Nol. I'm sorry."

She nodded again. "I haven't thought about it in a while. But you have to agree it rolls off the tongue." She grinned and was shocked when he answered it with a relieved smile. She considered for a few moments whether to steer him back to the conversation about what should happen with them. She made a difficult decision and instead asked, "Was Yu Jing your first and second kiss?"

He colored further. "That's in the past."

"I think it's pretty clear that for you, it's not. Tell me the truth. Was that heat for me, or for her?"

"I do not have to answer that."

She sighed. "You're exasperating. And that's normally a word you use for me!"

Kousuke took a deep breath, looked forward, and replied with a faint scowl, "Fine. She was obviously on my mind. As you know, we parted poorly, and I regret it." His hands were clenched.

"Have you considered apologizing to her?"

"I can assure you that she is more exasperating than I am. I can't hold a civil conversation with her when she's mad at me, which is always."

"Is it because of that stuff that came out at the trial about what you did to Yeong-Gi?"

"Yes. And you'd probably say she's justified."

Shin-Ae tugged at her lower lip. "Not really. You were your mom's mini-me at that point, so what you did isn't all that surprising. And I'd say you're headed in the right direction by turning down a huge promotion in Japan just to support him while he's in jail."

Kousuke sighed, but his scowl had disappeared. "Speaking of which, we should start driving."

Shin-Ae waved for him to go ahead, and while he maneuvered out of the parking lot, she made another difficult decision. "I could help you get on better footing with Yu Jing if you wanted."

He was intensely skeptical. "And how do you think you would manage that?"

She took a minute to piece together an approach and answered, "You'd start with texts. Tell her you've been thinking about how you hurt her, and you're sorry. Then invite her to visit Yeong-Gi with you. She has a soft spot for him, right?"

Kousuke started to say, "That would never..." He stopped mid-sentence, however, and ended with, "Actually, that's not such a bad idea." At a stoplight, he unlocked his phone, swiped over to Yu Jing's number, and handed it to Shin-Ae. "Go ahead. Read me each text before you send it, though."

Shin-Ae opened a new message and started typing.

...

After greetings and a hug, the first thing Yeong-Gi asked when they sat down at his table was, "Are you two alright? You look jittery."

Shin-Ae forcibly stilled her jiggling foot, and she saw Kousuke flex and then relax his hands. She decided to let him answer and follow his lead.

Kousuke replied smoothly, "I decided to reach out to Yu Jing. Would you mind if I brought her to visit next week?"

Yeong-Gi's eyes widened. "Of course you can. Should I put in a good word for you?"

Kousuke answered in a tone meant to end the conversion, "The visit is for you, not me."

"Suuure." Yeong-Gi turned to Shin-Ae. "And I hear something interesting happened to you too."

Shin-Ae stared at him without answering, wondering how he could have pieced together that Kousuke had kissed her from the few words they had exchanged.

"And Dieter?" Yeong-Gi prompted.

She exhaled. "Oh! Right. Um, yes. I assume you know what happened."

"And that you've ghosted him."

"Oh. I hadn't thought of it like that." She was unable to stop her foot from jiggling nervously again.

Yeong-Gi leveled a serious look at her. "Please talk to him. I think it's important for both of you."

She looked down at her hands. "You're right. I don't know why I didn't. I'll call him when I get home."

...

When she ducked under Kousuke's arm and into his car after the visit, she queued up The Marriage of Figaro. He had introduced her to it months ago. She sometimes enjoyed singing along in gibberish, although he would scold her and try to teach her the real words.

When he hit the highway, Shin-Ae asked, "Did you notice how thin Yeong-Gi is getting?"

"It's hard not to."

"Are you going to do anything about it?"

"Should I ask him nicely to eat more? I'm sure he would respond favorably to a request from me," was the sarcastic reply.

"Do your connections reach to the prison doctor? Maybe he could do something?"

Kousuke nodded while frowning thoughtfully. "They may. Good idea. I'll try."

Before the music got to the good part, Shin-Ae said casually, "So, I have a rare chance to get some honest feedback. How was my kiss?" The car swerved, and she grabbed onto the handhold.

Kousuke muttered, "There was something in the road." Then, more audibly, he replied, "Pleasant enough. You don't need to be uneasy about kissing anyone."

"Why is everything always 'pleasant' with you? What does that even mean?"

He took a moment to answer, and then just came back with a cryptic, "Ask me again in five years."

She eyed him consideringly, but then the part of the music she had been waiting for kicked in, so she shrugged and joined in the singing.

...

When she got to her room, she stuck to her word and gave Dieter a call. It rang twice and then went to voicemail, so she said, "I'm sorry I didn't call you back sooner. Do you have some time to talk?"

Then she hung up, fell onto her bed, and tried to figure out whether she had made the right decision with Kousuke. She had taken their sudden intimacy and turned herself into a confidante rather than a romantic possibility. She knew both his firm refusal and his negotiable refusal from plenty of experience, and she was fairly certain his initial refusal of taking things further had been negotiable.

But then she tried to imagine revealing some kind of relationship with Kousuke to Min-Hyuk, her father, or even Yeong-Gi, and couldn't. What she'd done was for the best. She got up and pulled out her textbooks.


	7. Chapter 7

Dieter called the next day when Shin-Ae got home from work. When she saw his name on her phone, she took a deep breath and answered. "Hi Dieter! Thanks for calling me back!" She sounded forced even to her own ears.

Dieter's voice was calm and quiet. "Of course. How are you?"

Shin-Ae smiled at his formality. "Ok. I guess things have been kind of crazy lately. Do you have time to meet up and talk?"

"Sure. Is it too late this evening? I don't have any plans. We could grab another ice cream."

"Now would be fine, but why don't you just come over to my place? My dad's working a late shift."

"U-um Shin-Ae, I-I'm not sure..."

Shin-Ae felt herself turn red. "I didn't mean it like that! It's just to talk!"

...

Shin-Ae should have begun to suspect what would happen when Dieter was able to get to her place under his own power, without any assistance from Soushi, but she didn't. When he knocked, she opened the door, waved him in, and started walking toward the kitchen without checking whether he was following. "Come on in! Do you want any chips? I'm feeling too lazy to do anything other than junk food for dinner."

When she reached the kitchen, she heard the door close, and a moment later, Dieter appeared around the corner. He looked distinctly queasy. "No thanks, I'm not hungry right now."

Shin-Ae popped one more chip in her mouth, shrugged, and gestured to the couch. "Then let's sit?"

Dieter turned faintly green, but he followed her to the couch and, after she picked a spot, sat less than an arm's length away.

There were a few moments of awkward silence while Shin-Ae thought about how to approach the conversation.

Just as she opened her mouth to start talking, Dieter said, "I have something to tell you."

Shin-Ae asked, "Could I go first?"

"I really think it would be better if I did."

"I really really think it would be best if I did."

Dieter appeared to be at a loss for how to contend with that, so Shin-Ae took his hand in both of hers and continued.

"Dieter, I love you."

His eyes bugged out, and he made a choking sound. To avert any further distress, Shin-Ae hastened to add, "Like a brother." She winced at the cliché.

Before he could interrupt, she hurried through the rest of what she needed to say. "I don't know if I was leading you on or what--I've honestly really come to care for you--but I just don't have feelings for you, you know, in the way you do for me." Her speech finished, she tried to meet his eyes, but couldn't. Instead she stared at his hand, which she was still holding.

She was therefore totally unprepared to hear him laugh. She lifted her eyes to see a sheepish smile on his face. "What...?"

Dieter gave her hand a squeeze. "If you knew how many hours I've spent trying to figure out how to say the same thing, you'd be laughing too."

Shin-Ae couldn't believe what she was hearing. "But you--I mean, you've been totally freaked out whenever anything barely intimate happened--"

He shook his head. "I know. I can't figure it out myself. I guess over the past few months, something has changed. I went from seeing you as something unobtainable, something idealized to some _one_ I know and trust and enjoy hanging out with. Platonically."

Now Shin-Ae started to laugh too. "If I didn't feel so relieved, I might be offended. Was my kiss that bad?"

"No no no! Not at all! It was really sweet, and you were really cute and flustered, but..."

"There was just no spark," Shin-Ae finished for him.

"Exactly," Dieter acknowledged. He extracted his hand from hers, put his arm around her shoulder, and gave her a sideways hug. "I'm so relieved, I could almost kiss you again. Platonically."

Shin-Ae wrinkled her nose. "Should we try? Just to be sure?"

He shrugged. "Can't hurt, right?"

She turned into his arm, lifted her face up to him, and closed her eyes. After a pause, she felt him moving, his head descending toward hers. Then at the last moment, she squinted one eye open--and saw him doing the same. Instead of kissing, they both laughed again.

"Yeah," Dieter confirmed, "I don't think we're going to kiss our way out of this. We're just good friends."

"Honestly, I really appreciate having a friend like you. I need you way more than I need a boyfriend right now."

"Anything I can do, just let me know," Dieter replied, gently removing his arm and scooting over on the couch.

"I could use a movie-watching buddy? My brain is fried, and I just need to let it turn off for awhile."

"Oh, have you ever seen any of the Bruce Lee movies? I've been meaning to rewatch them lately." Dieter's good-natured smile was a balm for her nerves, which had been on edge for days. She sunk into the couch and let him extol the virtues of Jeet Kun Do for awhile.


	8. Chapter 8

On her next visiting day, Shin-Ae got to the trailer a few minutes early, so she tossed her books in a chair, flopped over on the bed, and pulled a pillow over her head. A nightmare had woken her up the previous night--reliving her papa's collapse, except that this time, he hadn't made it--and she hadn't been able to get back to sleep. She wondered if she'd have enough time for a cat nap.

Shin-Ae woke some time later with a start to the sound of Yeong-Gi's laughter. Peeking out from under the pillow, she saw he had taken up one of his usual spots on the other side of the bed, and he was wheezing and wiping away a tear.

"Your snoring," he finally choked out in response to her quizzical expression, "sounds _just like_ Darth Vader." He took a steadying breath, added, "I was seriously flipping out looking for a weapon for self defense before I realized it was you," and burst into laughter again.

She threw her pillow at him and then regretted losing her sleep aid. The nap, cut off prematurely, had only left her feeling cottony and more tired. She lay flat on her back and closed her eyes again.

Yeong-Gi gasped himself gradually into silence over the course of another minute. "I'm telling you, you have to set up a webcam in your room. You would be an overnight WuTube star." 

He emphasized "overnight," as if impressed by his own pun, so she groaned reflexively. 

"Actually, it's a good thing they don't have cameras in here. I must have looked like I'd seen that chick from The Ring."

"How do you know they don't have cameras?" Shin-Ae muttered sleepily.

Yeong-Gi cleared his throat. "Because of what people normally do in here?"

Shin-Ae mentally chastised herself for her faux pas and the resulting awkward silence. When the silence continued for too long, she cast about for something to fill it. Finally, she came up with, "I talked to Dieter, like you asked me to."

In comparison to his outburst a few minutes ago, Yeong-Gi's reply was noticeably quiet. "I know. He gave me the update."

Shin-Ae struggled to a sitting position, feeling more awake. "He was ok, right? He seemed really ok to me, but I can never be sure."

Yeong-Gi gave her half a smile to acknowledge her concern. "Yeah, he was 'really ok.' Pretty sure he's still surprised by how ok he is. We all thought you guys were fated to end up together eventually. It was a perfect love story."

For some reason, she had trouble meeting his gaze. Brief flashes of the memories of two kisses, completely different in intensity and their effect on her, caused a flushed feeling in her cheeks. She hoped Yeong-Gi would attribute her blush to what he had just said, but he was more perceptive than that.

"I feel like there's something going on that I'm missing," he commented and then paused, giving her the opportunity to fill in the blank.

She shook her head. "Nothing important."

Yeong-Gi shrugged and reached for a box of crackers that she realized he must have stolen from her bag while she was sleeping.

"How long was I out, by the way? I have a bunch of work next week, so I might not be able to come for this visit next time. If you want to finish our final round of draw bridge, we'd better get started." She began to pull the deck of cards from her pocket but stopped when there was no reply. She turned to see Yeong-Gi looking more pale than usual and wearing a strained smile.

Her glance appeared to spur him to speech. "No problem," he answered, but it was taut and unnatural. Shin-Ae never would have noticed it if she hadn't spent months visiting him and getting to know his every masked mood.

"BS," Shin-Ae countered. "What's going on?"

Yeong-Gi mimicked her earlier reply. "Nothing important."

Exasperated and perennially worried about him, Shin-Ae offered, "I'll tell you if you tell me." She instantly regretted the proposal, but he was already nodding. She couldn't take it back when he looked so relieved. "But you first," she added as damage control.

Yeong-Gi pulled the pillow she had thrown at him into his lap and and leaned against it. "Next week is six months since my nana's stroke."

Shin-Ae nodded. "She's doing better, right? Rehab went well and everything?"

"Yeah, back to her feisty self. I just wish I could have been there to help her get there. And last night I had a dream..." He trailed off, looking distinctly as if he now regretted starting on that train of thought.

There was no way they had both had the same dream. Shin-Ae tested the waters anyway. "That's weird, last night I had a nightmare. It was the night my dad collapsed, only when we got to the hospital, they told me he hadn't survived the trip."

Yeong-Gi was staring at her, wide-eyed. "Yeah, weird. That was basically my dream. Except about Nana."

Shin-Ae swung her feet off the side of the bed. "Sorry, I know how much that sucks. On the plus side, it's one of those dreams that it's a relief to wake up from. But I'll make sure to stop by next week." He didn't answer, so she pulled out the deck of cards and started shuffling.

"Hold up!" Yeong-Gi chucked the pillow back at her. "Aren't you forgetting something? We had an equal exchange."

She let the pillow bounce off her onto the bed and leaned on it. "Mine's a lot dumber than that. Like, a lot."

He just waited.

Shin-Ae took a breath. "Ok, when I was confused about my feelings for Dieter, Min-Hyuk suggested I go kiss some other people. I guess for calibration? And while that did help me sort through the Dieter question, it mostly left me more confused overall." Yeong-Gi's eyebrows had already started to rise, so she added hastily, "And that is _all_ the information you're going to get from me about it! Some things are personal."

She wasn't sure whether he was going to let it go, so Yeong-Gi's shrug of acquiescence came as a relief. He answered, "That's not dumb. You're trying not to hurt someone, or else not to get hurt. Both are important goals." His mouth quirked to one side while he thought about her predicament. "If it worked once, would it work again to kiss someone else?"

Shin-Ae rolled her eyes. "That is definitely only going to continue to make things more complicated. Besides, I've run out of candidates. Min-Hyuk started dating Rika."

"Soushi?"

Shin-Ae stared at Yeong-Gi hard until he raised his hands in an 'I'm innocent!' gesture and admitted, "Ok, ok, it was a joke."

Turning away, Shin-Ae tucked the deck of cards into her bag, deciding they wouldn't have enough time for the game. She assumed the guards would be back any time now...

"So I'm not a candidate?"

Shin-Ae's hand stopped in midair on the way back from her bag.


	9. Chapter 9

Shin-Ae bought herself time by slowly turning to face Yeong-Gi, his question ringing in her ears. It was true that he was unattached. Alyssa had never come to visit him, and Kousuke had said they'd broken up by phone. Presumably it had been amicable; Yeong-Gi had never seemed distressed by it. 

So was he joking again or serious? She couldn't tell from his tone, which had been light and steady. 

And which one did she want it to be? She had spent months thinking of him as a kind of pet--similar to a puppy?--who needed to be taken care of, and that hadn't left space for the idea of someone who might be something else to her.

"Um..." was the eloquent result of this mental mess.

Yeong-Gi's brows drew together, and his gaze shifted away from hers. "I'm sorry, that was dumb. I shouldn't have asked."

Oh no. He had been serious. Oh no no no. Now even more at a loss, Shin-Ae crawled across the bed toward him with no plan for what she might do when she reached him.

She could see he was beginning to flush when she got closer. Her brain must have completely turned off at that point, because she sat down cross-legged next to him, their knees just touching, and started to ramble. "They told me in my pre-nursing orientation that prisoners count as a 'vulnerable population' when it comes to research. You wouldn't want me to take advantage of someone vulnerable, would you? Besides, it requires a lot of extra paperwork."

Yeong-Gi smirked and pointed out, "Forcing you to do a bunch of extra paperwork sounds like a perk."

Shin-Ae reached out to deliver a retributive punch to his shoulder, but he caught her hand before it connected. They'd done this easily a dozen times (she had ramped up the speed and power of the punches when he had scoffed at her early attempts, but she had still never managed to get to his shoulder), but something was different this time. When she automatically tried to pull her hand back, he held it for an extra breath. Then, when he did begin to let go, she shifted and gripped his hand instead. He raised his eyebrows at her, a confused, wordless question.

Something unexpected snapped inside of Shin-Ae. She had already tried to relinquish Kousuke in spite of what his kiss had done to her. Why _not_ go a step further and do something to put him out of her mind? She pulled Yeong-Gi's hand into her lap and held it with both of hers, feeling reckless. "May I?"

His breath caught ever so slightly. "I thought you said it would only make things more complicated."

"I can't see a way out of my current state, so maybe it's time to try a complication." Shin-Ae was surprised to feel her pulse pick up. This was just one step past the comfort they'd felt with each other for weeks, but somehow it was also completely different.

Yeong-Gi nodded, but noted, "That makes no sense." It didn't stop him, though, from wrapping his other hand around her waist and shifting her, with almost no effort, into his lap. There he stopped, hesitating.

Shin-Ae recalled someone once saying that Yeong-Gi and Alyssa had never kissed. Was that possible, in all the time they had dated? She reminded herself that even if they had, she was still more experienced than him in first kisses with new people. So she interlaced the fingers of one hand through his, brought her other hand up to twine her fingers through the hair on the back of his head, and pulled his head gently toward hers. She felt a kind of power in being the one in control for once. 

When his lips met hers, she experienced a pleasant shiver. At first his kiss was light and uncertain. Maybe this _was_ his first, she mused. So she pulled him closer and parted her lips. Yeong-Gi tensed and then responded, meanwhile sliding his free hand over from her waist to press on her lower back. She felt warmth creep up her neck as she sunk deeper into the kiss and then a thrill in the pit of her stomach when she found his tongue.

She needed to catch her breath, so Shin-Ae let her hand in his hair drop down to his shoulder and broke the kiss. When she opened her eyes, she saw him staring at her in disbelief. "Was that... just for me? Or did you do that with all of your 'candidates'?"

Shoot. She didn't want to have to answer that. She was still in the unfamiliar impetuous mood, so instead of thinking, she took hold of his collar and drew him in for one more kiss. Suddenly, he wrapped both arms around her, twisted, and lay back into the pillows. When they both took a breath, they were lying side-by-side on the bed.

Shin-Ae's head was spinning. "What are you doing? What are we doing?"

"I don't know," Yeong-Gi answered, before lightly kissing her nose, "but I think you should maybe go sit at the table now."

Shin-Ae decided he was probably right and rolled away. She heard him sigh as she sat up on the edge of the bed. With their physical contact broken, though, she didn't think it was necessary to move over to the table.

A moment later, he had sat up on the edge of the bed about a foot away from her, holding a pillow in his lap. He came at his question from a different angle. "I'm guessing there weren't any beds involved with the other ones."

Shin-Ae didn't think another distraction kiss was advisable, so she said, "Let's not talk about them. What's more immediately pressing is us. Am I right that this is something you wanted?"

Now that the spotlight was on him, Yeong-Gi shifted uneasily. "No. Yes? I've been trying very hard not to want it the whole time Dieter was chasing you. Well, not the whole time, but since the tacos and the headphones."

"Tacos?" Shin-Ae shook her head, deciding not to figure out when that was. "Ok. Well, it's a pretty new concept for me, so can I take a week to--"

She was interrupted by the sharp finality of a guard's rap on the door. Yeong-Gi popped up, his response to the noise practically a reflex by now, and started for the door. As he passed her, though, Shin-Ae caught a glimpse of his expression and grabbed his hand. "Next week. Don't worry. Everything will be alright."

He gave her an attempt at a smile that only managed to look more gloomy, put on his shoes, and then was gone.

Shin-Ae took another minute to get her stuff together and then walked the now familiar route back to the entrance. As she did, she reflected that she'd been thinking only about herself when she'd decided to kiss him. He _was_ vulnerable, and she'd been unacceptably cavalier with his emotions. This was a new mess. She decided that kissing people before figuring out whether she meant it was officially a horrendous approach. She'd have to let Min-Hyuk know, so he wouldn't go recommending it to anyone else.

As she emerged into the sunlight, she was rummaging around in her bag for a cracker. When she found one, she raised her head and then dropped the cracker on the ground.

Kousuke, looking like a looming storm, was leaning against the side of the building in his suit.

She tried to smile and restrained herself from self-consciously fixing her disheveled hair. "Oh, hi! Did you come to visit too? I think you missed..."

"How can I visit," Kousuke asked, "when Yeong-Gi is in the middle of a conjugal visit"--here his previously icy voice cracked--"with _you_?" By the end it was almost a shout.

For a moment, Shin-Ae was at a loss for words. Then she started to reply, "It's not what it looks like," but he made a jerky gesture toward her.

"How can you even try that line? Honestly, Shin-Ae, it's beneath you."

She looked down. When had her top three buttons become undone? She closed her eyes and took a breath to figure out what on Earth to say next.

Before she could, Kousuke continued in a quiet, hoarse tone that was worse than the shout, "I trusted you. I don't trust anyone, and I thought I could trust you. Shin-Ae, he's my brother."

When she looked back into his eyes, she couldn't decide if the hurt was for himself or for Yeong-Gi. This could go nowhere useful, so she answered, "I'm really, truly sorry. I've made some mistakes. I think you should leave now." She turned around and walked back inside to find somewhere to put herself back together. 

The guard was popping potato chips from a bag into his mouth one by one, watching Kousuke return to his car. Then he unashamedly turned his gaze on her with the kind of half-enthralled, half-disgusted expression usually reserved for reality TV. "So... will you be back next week?"


	10. Chapter 10

Kousuke sat on his couch in his pajamas and robe. One arm was slung across the back of the cushion, and the other hand held the stem of a wine glass, which he was twirling between his fingers. A bottle, half empty, sat on the coffee table. He had decided to slow down for now. He didn't like what drinking alone might suggest about him, and besides, the warm, fuzzy, detached feeling he had been seeking since that afternoon had settled on him.

His mind had been almost blank during the drive home. He had reflexively hit play on one of his opera playlists when he had sat down in the car, and he'd just followed along, practicing translating the words buried in the music. He had slammed the door when he had gotten out of the car, something he never did to a car like that, and slammed the door again when he went inside the apartment. A shower, a self-prepared dinner and dessert, and several glasses of wine later, and he was finally ready to think. What had come over him?

When he'd first heard the word "conjugal" from the guard, he hadn't believed it. Obviously there had been some mistake. And then, when he did finally believe it, he had been astonished by the suddenness of his anger. He remembered very clearly wanting nothing so much as to beat the smirk off the guard's face.

The wait for Shin-Ae, during which he tried very hard not to think about what she and Yeong-Gi were spending the time doing, had certainly not improved his temper. But why? He kept rationalizing to himself that he was angry with her for leading Yeong-Gi on. His little brother was fresh from his breakup with Alyssa and couldn't have known that Shin-Ae was going around kissing anything that moved. Yeong-Gi was too earnest, and too volatile, for this to end in anything but heartbreak for him.

However, if Kousuke were honest with himself, that wasn't it. It was an unpleasant situation, but it would not have pulled him out of his usual cool, calculating mindset if that were the whole of it. 

No, Kousuke's thoughts kept returning to the many conversations he and Shin-Ae had had in his car. Her surprising interest in his historical and musical anecdotes. Her ridiculous mockery of opera singing. Her anxiety around her budding love life. The extent to which they had dissected and co-crafted a delicate and increasingly companionable series of text conversations with Yu Jing, neither of them sure until they had discussed the nascent relationship ad nauseum how to approach each new message.

Her laugh. Her gestures. Her hair. Her smell.

Her kiss.

He shook his head violently, swiped his hair irritability from his eyes, and slammed the wine glass onto the coffee table. He was a grown man, for God's sake, and she was...

 _Of age_ , whispered a small voice at the back of his mind, which he immediately banished. She was an inexperienced girl (although not as inexperienced as he'd thought, the afternoon had proven). Somehow, his emotions revealed all too clearly, he had gotten confused. Something had been forming in the unexamined recesses of his brain during all that time their friendship had been developing, something that had nearly choked him when he saw her come out of those prison doors, looking completely disheveled from her visit to his brother's bed.

He clenched his teeth. There was only one thing to do, so he picked up his phone.

...

Yeong-Gi lay on his upper bunk bed, hungry--as usual--and taut as a wire, listening for the sound of his cell mate's light snoring, which would finally tell him that he was safe from that night's hazing and could relax. He touched the book on the edge of the railing to check, unnecessarily, that it was still there. If he drifted off in his exhausted state and someone tried to approach him, they'd knock it from its precarious perch, making enough noise to wake him.

Dinner hadn't been as bad as it was most nights. When a subset of his personal tormenters had stolen and fouled up his food, he'd silently thanked Shin-Ae for the crackers that afternoon. And at least the medic was giving him breakfast these days, for some reason.

Shin-Ae. Even with his mind occupied with the perpetual defensive struggle of the prison, his thoughts had returned to her over and over since the afternoon. At first, he had been content to remember the surprise of her hand refusing to let go of his, the weight of her in his lap, the shocking confidence of her kisses, and the effect they'd had on him. 

He had been incredibly disciplined about preventing these kinds of thoughts for almost a year, and it was strange to be able to permit them, guilt-free.

As the evening had worn on, though, he'd begun to mull over some of the details. She had carefully avoided his questions about her other trial kisses. In fact, now that he thought about it, had her second kiss that afternoon been a sign that she'd enjoyed the first or an attempt to delay their conversation?

He bent his concentration to figuring out the answers to his questions. First, who else had she kissed? Dieter he knew about, and the outcome there was self-evident. She had made it clear that Soushi was and always would be off the table, and he believed her on that front. Min-Hyuk was apparently taken, for which Yeong-Gi sent up a silent prayer of thanks.

Who else was there? His thoughts shuddered away from Sang-Chul--an impossibility--and toward other men she had worked with. He felt a lump form in his empty stomach. That was it, the only imaginable answer. Who would she hide from him? Kousuke.

... And she hadn't made any effort to suggest that she hadn't enjoyed her other trial kiss or kisses. He realized with a flash of intuition that she certainly would have panned them if she could have done so truthfully. A wave of ice washed over him.

In the dim light, he looked for the thousandth time at his mini calendar hanging on the wall. Less than a month until he got out, but that was still too much time. How, from in there, could he have any impact on her relationship with his brother?

...

Shin-Ae sat in a WacDonald's booth next to Maya and across from Min-Hyuk and Rika, who were trying to be discrete about the fact that they were holding hands under the table. She had called a strategy session to figure out what was going on in her head, because it had become too much for her to work through on her own. Of course, any deep thinking required french fries, so they were all eating.

Everyone had the gist of the situation after Shin-Ae sketched a brief history of her romantic life and Rika asked some follow-up questions. Everyone was very clear that Min-Hyuk's "kiss a lot of frogs" approach had been downright idiotic.

To segue into the brainstorm, Shin-Ae told Maya, "Thanks for coming. I know we don't hang out much, but I trust you so much more than your brother on this."

Maya flapped her hand. "Don't mention it. This clearly calls for someone who has read every issue of Teen Wogue. So, you've told us the facts, but how do you feel?"

Completely uncomfortable with this type of conversation, which was much more Maya's and Rika's forte than her own, Shin-Ae answered, "Sleepy?"

Maya sighed and reoriented. Pulling a notepad and a pen from her bag, she placed it in front of Shin-Ae. "Two columns, two rows. Each guy, pros and cons. Start writing."

While the others talked, Shin-Ae felt terribly mortified and tried to come up with terms she could use to fill the table that wouldn't embarrass her further. 

When Shin-Ae set down the pen, Maya pulled the notepad toward her and examined it. She soon began to look confused. "How is 'stupid puns' in both pros and cons? And why is 'helping him get a girlfriend' a pro? And are you sure 'like a puppy' is a con, not a pro?"

Shin-Ae nodded decisively. "That's just where each of those belongs."

"Why aren't the kisses on here at all?" Rika wondered, peering over Maya's shoulder.

"Oh. I guess they didn't come to mind."

Impressively, everyone else at the table rolled their eyes in sync. 

Maya sighed. "Well, this exercise isn't for us. It's for you. Was it helpful?"

Shin-Ae pulled the paper back to take another look. "Actually, yes," she answered, startled. "It makes everything much more clear to leave out the kisses."

Her phone buzzed, so she picked it up.


	11. Chapter 11

"Meet me for dinner tomorrow night?" Shin-Ae read from her phone under her breath.

Three heads swiveled to hear more.

"It's not... Kousuke?" Rika asked breathlessly. She gave a small squeal when Shin-Ae nodded wordlessly. "You have got to get someone to serialize your life!"

Maya was more to the point. "You have to go. You need to talk to him in person."

Shin-Ae nodded again, eyes fixed on her phone. After a long pause, she sent back a message agreeing and asking where to meet him.

Kousuke's final message indicated that he would pick her up, but after the ridiculous spectacle she felt she'd made of herself in front of her friends that evening, she had no need to reveal that detail to them. Min-Hyuk was already looking at her as if seeing her in a completely different light. She thanked them all for their help and got up to go.

Just as she was turning toward the door, Shin-Ae's phone buzzed again. Her better judgment told her to check it after she left, but her curiosity won out.

"What is it this time?" Min-Hyuk asked, peering over her shoulder.

Shin-Ae swallowed hard. "Yu Jing wants to meet me tomorrow morning for coffee."

Both girls stared at her with horror etched on their faces. "You can't!" Rika exclaimed, and then added sotto voce, "She might attack you!"

"She wouldn't," Shin-Ae answered decisively. "I probably owe it to her. I'll go."

...

The next morning, Shin-Ae arrived at the Starwucks to find Yu Jing already waiting for her in a booth with two coffees. When Shin-Ae slid in across from her, she pushed one of the coffees across the table and smiled.

"Just to level set, there will be no emotions or scenes from me. Let's never fight about a man, Shin-Ae; they're not worth it."

Shin-Ae nodded, although she reflected internally that she thought Kousuke deserved someone who thought he was "worth it." "Thanks for the drink."

Yu Jing acknowledged the gratitude with a wave of her hand. "So, I hear I have you to thank for the taming of our favorite shrew. I wondered what had come over him. For a little while there I thought he might have a ghost writer, but when I saw him last night, he kept up the basic human decency. So whatever you've been teaching him, it stuck."

Shin-Ae digested that while she sipped her coffee. She wondered what had happened between the two of them the previous night. "I'm glad to hear it, I think. But I guess you could say you were the motivation for his growth. Everything he and I worked on together was about smoothing over his relationship with you."

Yu Jing tapped her lower lip twice with her index finger. "I doubt that. Regardless, he must have really trusted you, to finally begin to change."

The mention of "trust" gave Shin-Ae a pang.

"Anyway," Yu Jing continued, "I don't want to keep you long. I just wanted to clear the air. Feel free to call me after your dinner tonight if you want to talk through anything."

At that, Shin-Ae stiffened. She felt somehow exposed to learn that Kousuke had told Yu Jing about their dinner. She wondered whether Yu Jing had felt this way when she learned that Shin-Ae and Kousuke had been discussing her. "I'm sorry. If what I did made you uncomfortable."

Yu Jing shook her head as she slid out of the booth. "It's no problem. I appreciate the effort. Enjoy your dinner!" And then she was gone, leaving Shin-Ae thoroughly confused.

...

When Shin-Ae got back to the apartment door, still puzzling over the incomprehensible conversation with Yu Jing, she found an ad for a new pizza place tucked into the doorjam. Just as she was removing it, she heard someone clear his throat behind her. She turned to see if the person was trying to get her attention and then spent several seconds debating internally whether she was dreaming, hallucinating, or having a stroke.

Yeong-Gi grinned at her from several feet away, and she fell back against the door with a light thump. Loss of motor control. Maybe it was a stroke.

His grin faded into a look of concern, and he closed the gap between them with two leggy strides. "Shin-Ae? Are you ok?"

"How are you...? What is...?" Inability to form complete sentences. Definitely a stroke.

Yeong-Gi put his hand on Shin-Ae's arm to steady her, and that helped. She tried again. "Sorry, it's just... really surprising to see you in the wild. You're out. Isn't this weeks early?"

A smile reemerged. "Yes! They gave me time off for good behavior."

"Did you know that was a possibility?"

"Nope. Best I can tell from things I half heard a guard say, they kind of scrambled it together quickly. It sounded almost like they wanted to get me out before some of the guys who had been messing with me pulled something more extreme." He seemed to realize belatedly what he had said, and his mouth closed with a click of teeth.

Shin-Ae's brow furrowed. "Messing with you?"

"Yeah." Yeong-Gi hesitated, but must have decided not to complicate things by trying to avoid answering the question. "You know, how I wasn't always able to eat or sleep and stuff." He shrugged as if to downplay the explanation.

"Oh." Shin-Ae frowned at him. "That's horrible. Why didn't you tell us? Kousuke was able to get you breakfast. Maybe he could have done something else."

"That was Kousuke? Guess I should have." His lopsided smile was out of place in the conversation, but she supposed nothing was going to dampen his spirits now that he was out.

Then the full weight of his release hit her. She punched at his shoulder (but he caught it) and then slammed full force into his chest to hug him. "You absolute idiot. I was so worried about you," she chided into the folds of his shirt.

Uncharacteristically, he took an extra moment to close his arms around her, and when he did, it was cautious.

Shin-Ae took a step back and turned to open the door. "Who else knows you're out?"

"No one. They gave me back my phone, but of course by now the battery is dead. The bus dropped me off in the city center, and I just walked over here. Public transit was a little overwhelming. Can I plug my phone in here?" Yeong-Gi followed her into the apartment. "Is your dad here?"

Shin-Ae noticed he relaxed palpably when he got inside. Was it something to do with being unused to the real world? She led him to the living room and pointed to an outlet. "No, he has a shift. Can I get you some food?"

Yeong-Gi held up a giant bag from the nearby sandwich place. "No, but a glass of water would be helpful. It's not going to be easy to finish off five sandwiches, but I can't wait to try."

"Five?" Shin-Ae infused her tone with skepticism.

When she returned with a glass of water for each of them, he held a wrapped sandwich out to her. "Yeah. The sixth is for you. BLT?"

She placed the waters on the coffee table, accepted the sandwich, sunk into the couch, and patted a spot beside her. "Better get started then. I'll bet you a dinner you can't do it."

Yeong-Gi set to work. After almost a year, there was something surreal about seeing him in the real world, demolishing sandwiches, as if he didn't yet belong there and were some kind of figment of her imagination.

His attempt was so focused that he soon had a piece of lettuce on his shirt and a dab of mustard on his chin. When Shin-Ae pointed them out, saying, "You don't want everyone's first impression of the free Yeong-Gi to be a mess," he intentionally dipped his finger in more mustard and, eying her defiantly, smeared it across his forehead and all around his mouth.

The look Shin-Ae returned to him was unimpressed. She grabbed a napkin and swiped it across his forehead, ignoring his laughing protests. Then his effervescence about his unexpected liberty infected her. Maybe she was able to do something so completely outrageous because he still seemed like a fantasy creature, something that wasn't allowed to exist. In the grip of sudden recklessness for the second time in two days and without fully realizing what she was doing, she leaned over and licked the mustard from the left corner of his lips. 

Yeong-Gi's laughter stopped, and his eyes widened with disbelief. Shin-Ae suddenly realized she was worried about his response. But he purposefully set his giant bag of sandwiches on the coffee table, pulled the napkin from her hand, and used it to clear away the rest of the mustard from his face. Then he slid closer to her and lifted his free hand to the back of her head to gently pull her in for a kiss.

It was how they should have started yesterday. Tender, sweet, and without any alarming urgency now that they had all the time in the world.

Shin-Ae's phone dinged. She had turned the volume up, because Rika had threatened her with coming and checking on her at the Starwucks if she didn't reply to texts. The sound prompted her to separate briefly from Yeong-Gi, but the sight of his bright green eyes and his tentative smile pulled her back. She kissed the side of his neck, his earlobe, his cheek, and then his lips again.

Her phone dinged a second time. They both paused a heartbeat, but didn't break the kiss. He pulled her closer--and the phone dinged again.

They pulled apart. "Do you--" Yeong-Gi cleared his throat, "do you want to check that?"

Shin-Ae took a breath. "Yeah, I'm always a little worried it could be something about Papa." She nestled under one of his arms and pulled the phone out of her pocket. They both looked at the lit screen.

Message from Min-Hyuk: I think I see what you mean about jealou...  
Message from Rika: So does Yu Jing know you kissed Kousuk...  
Message from Kousuke: I need to move our dinner to later this eve...

Yeong-Gi carefully extricated his arm from behind her and scooted a few inches away. "Look, Shin-Ae, I know this happened fast, and if you've made another choice, I can..." He looked away, and his voice grew quieter. "I can give you space." She caught a glimpse of his expression. It was strained.

Shin-Ae licked her lips. "Yeong-Gi, I'm so sorry. I have some things to tell you. I got carried away before. I really screwed up."

He put his hands on his knees as if to stand, and she held out both hands to stop him. "No, please hear me out." He subsided, so she continued. "Kousuke was the only person I kissed other than Dieter. Once. It was a dumb, spur-of-the-moment decision, and I know both of us regretted it. He immediately told me it wouldn't work, and I immediately started setting him up with Yu Jing."

The look of pain receded slightly from his features, but he was still wary. "Ok?"

"When I kissed you yesterday, it was for the wrong reason--to forget Kousuke. I was honestly shocked by my reaction to it--to you. And then Kousuke caught me coming out of the prison afterward. The guard had told him what kind of visit it was. He was..." She didn't need to find the right words; she could tell Yeong-Gi was getting the picture.

He scrubbed at his face with both hands. "So Kousuke invited you to dinner?"

"No, he stormed off. The dinner invitation came later that night by text. I don't know what he wants to say, but last night I thought through everything very carefully--I made a list of pros and cons--and figured out what I was going to say to him."

"And that's why you're sorry?" Yeong-Gi asked guardedly.

"No! I'm sorry I kissed you for the wrong reason yesterday, before I figured out whether I wanted to. When I remember how thoughtless I was being... Anyway, Yeong-Gi, last night I chose you. Your cons were being like a puppy and stupid puns. Your pros were being in jail and stupid puns."

"Are you sure you know what 'pro' and 'con' mean?"

"Yes! I couldn't imagine losing what I had with you during our conjugal visits. If I can't spend that kind of time with you, just you, I'll lose the most centering place in my life."

"You might want to consider taking 'conjugal' back out of your vocabulary. If your dad heard you..." But he was smiling again, and she felt her heart lighten in response.

"Can you forgive me for being selfish and unthinking and uncommunicative?"

He took her hand in his. "Big words, small one." When she wrinkled her nose at him, he bent his head and kissed it. "Yes. I think there's less to forgive than you think there is."

"And will you go to dinner with your brother tonight in my place?"

" _What?_ "

"He turned down a job, visited you weekly in spite of the personal cost, fed the guards fancy French pastries so they'd be nice to you, brought you books that you said you 'lived for,' and got you food when they were almost starving you. I think he's proven he really cares about you."

Yeong-Gi raised his brows and tilted his head to one side. "Well, when you put it that way, sure, I guess. He's even gotten a little less insufferable lately, so it won't be quite as bad as being in jail."

Shin-Ae squeezed his hand in hers. "Thank you. Can I call him and tell him now? I think it might be good for you to hear what I say to him. Just to put all this drama to rest."

Yeong-Gi nodded, so she dialed and put the phone to her ear.

"Shin-Ae? Did you see my text?"

"Hi Kousuke. Just the first part. Listen, can we talk now?"

There was a rustling of paper in the background. "Briefly. Look, I'm sorry about my behavior yesterday afternoon. And I need to know you're not going to hurt Nol."

Shin-Ae sighed in relief. She had hoped this was the direction he was heading. "I figured as much when Yu Jing told me she'd talked to you. Don't worry. I've put my frog-kissing days behind me."

"Did you just call me a--"

"Oops, it's a phrase. I didn't mean it as an insult. Also, you're going to stand me up for dinner tonight."

"What? Why?"

"Your brother wants you to take him to dinner instead."

"My... you're kidding. You're not kidding." There was a pause while it presumably sank in, but as usual, Kousuke was completely on the ball. "Fine, tell him not to go home yet. I'll clear my schedule and have coffee with him now. You're at your place? I'll pick him up there shortly."

They said their goodbyes, and after she'd hung up, she let Yeong-Gi know, "He's coming to get you now. And since you haven't finished your sandwiches, you can let him know to drop you off back here later, because you're treating me to dinner tonight."

"What, the sandwiches? No fair, you cheated!" Yeong-Gi protested. "Distractions are clearly in violation of the rules."

Shin-Ae cleared away the empty sandwich wrappers and glasses and led the way to the front door. She placed her hand on the knob to open it and then thought better of it and turned, saying, "Welcome back. I'm so glad--"

Yeong-Gi, padding along behind her, didn't stop until he was a few inches from her. She took half a step backward, and her back came into contact with the door. He leaned one arm against the door, over her head, so that his face came close to hers. "Me too. Believe me, me too."

Her breathing grew shallow. "Come back soon."

"You said it to Kousuke, but say it to me, please. No more experiments. No more kissing lots of frogs."

She nodded. "I promise. I've found my frog."

"I thought the last one was supposed to be a pr--"

She cut him off with a kiss.


End file.
